


make my body talk

by montecarlos



Category: Formula E RPF
Genre: Angst, Bodyswap, Canon Compliant, Confusion, Drama & Romance, Falling In Love, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-07-27 13:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montecarlos/pseuds/montecarlos
Summary: “I’d be a better boyfriend than him,” He declares under his breath. Stumbling to the bathroom, he pauses to lock the door only to turn and face the mirror to see Nico Müller’s face staring back at him.Ant wakes up to find he's switched places with Robin's boyfriend.





	make my body talk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RobinJuncadella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinJuncadella/gifts).

> Well, I actually finished this before the deadline and I'm pretty pleased with it - I really wanted to do a bodyswap fic and explore the relationship between Robin, Ant and Nico so here it is. This monster of a fic (because I can never write anything of a normal size) is for the lovely Eline. I know it isn't exactly what you asked for - but I hope it satisfies your Gaydretti craving, my lovely! Please enjoy! :)
> 
> Thanks to D, J, K and R for cheerleading on this one, you're all legends.

Ant doesn’t remember when he fell in love with Robin. He only remembers the warmth curling in his chest when the Dutchman had met his eyes for the first time - brown on blue - red bulls emblazoned on their chests. He remembers pushing away the feelings as they grew closer, as their hands tangled together, hovering for far too long, soft smiles - but nothing ever came of the touches. Ant remembers the day that Robin told him about _ him _ . He had looked nervous, shuffling around, kicking the dirt in his thin racing boots.  
  
“Nico and I are dating,” He looks up for a moment, his expression unreadable.  
  
Silence stretches out between the pair.  
  
“That’s good,” Ant says, lowering his sunglasses as he fixes his eyes on Robin. “That’s, um, _ really _ good,”  
  
He feels something crumple inside his chest at Robin’s words. He can’t say that it didn’t see it coming - Robin and Nico have been hanging out for months now and every other word that falls from the Dutchman’s lips is Nico this, Nico that - he pushes away the knot that is building inside his chest as he moves towards Robin, his arms curling over the Dutchman’s small shoulders.  
  
“Do you hate me?” Robin asks as he melts against Ant, his nose buried against Nomex.  
  
Ant closes his eyes, ignoring the nausea building up in his throat, the heat of their bodies curled against each other. “Never could,”  
  
“Best friends?”  
  
“Best friends,” Ant says, almost choking on the words, a fake smile falling across his lips.  
  
He throws up later that evening.  


* * *

  
Ant never expected the thing between Robin and Nico to last. They’re opposites - Nico is the sort of guy who goes out for a run at eight in the morning, the life and soul of the party - and Robin is not that person at all. Ant admits that they look cute together, particularly when Nico curls his arm over Robin’s shoulders pulling the smaller man into his body. Robin lights up at the contact, reaching up on tiptoes to brush a sloppy kiss against Nico’s jawline.  
  
They manage to wrangle their way through the junior series completely devoted to one another - even when Ant and Nico are fighting against one another. Robin stands underneath the podium, beaming at both of them as the champagne from two bottles rains down on him, flattening his hair. Looking back, even then, Ant realises that they would constantly be warring for Robin’s attention.   
  
“Have you ever had sex with a man?” Robin asks him one night.  
  
Ant doesn’t even remember where they are - somewhere in Europe, he still in his champagne covered Arden overalls and Robin in his, curled up next to one another, the heat of Robin’s thigh pressing against his own. “W-why do you ask?”  
  
“Because Nico wants to,”  
  
“Well, are you ready?” Ant asks, fixing his gaze on his best friend. “Because it doesn’t matter if Nico is ready, it only matters when you’re ready,”  
  
Robin smiles, moving closer to Ant, his shoulder grazing against the other man’s. “Thank you Ant, you’re such a good friend to me,”  
  
Ant pulls his arm around Robin, pulling him closer as he closes his eyes. It’s so difficult to not blurt out those three words, the ones that would change everything. Robin leans into him, and he exhales gently as the scent of Robin - the sandalwood of his shampoo mixed in with motor oil and something else he cannot place.  
  
“Just promise me that you’ll take your time and don’t let him force you into anything,”  
  
“I will,” Robin murmurs, smiling as his hair tickles Ant’s cheek. “And I’ll tell you all about it,”  
  
_ I’d rather you didn’t _ , Ant thinks as he smiles back, half-heartedly.  


* * *

  
Robin ends up losing his virginity to Nico, and of course, tells Ant about it in great detail with reddened cheeks. Ant grins and bares it - he can’t bring himself to ruin Robin’s happiness. He can’t hate Nico for making Robin happy, but his chest seizes up when he sees them together, Nico with his shit-eating grin plastered to his face and his arm thrown around Robin’s shoulders, pressing the smaller man into his side. Everyone speaks of how perfect they are as a couple, how well suited they are to one another.  
  
They remain together, stronger than ever - even through the Caterham debacle, when Robin’s dream of driving in F1 disintegrates into nothing. Robin calls him that night in tears, his voice muffled. “António? Can you-”  
  
He doesn’t need to finish his sentence. “I’ll be over in ten minutes,”  
  
Robin opens the door with red-rimmed eyes and a broken expression on his face. He falls against Ant, sagging against the Portuguese man as though all the strength has left him. Ant feels dampness against the thin material of his shirt as he gently brushes Robin’s hair from the nape of his neck.  
  
“Why am I not good enough for them, Toni?” Robin sobs against his chest.  
  
Ant bites down on his tongue, wanting to say so many things in that moment, but knowing that none of them will help. He continues to stroke over Robin’s back, trying to ignore the knot in his chest at Robin’s cries. “You deserve better than them,” He finally blurts out. “You are so much better than that,”  
  
“But I don’t know what to do next-” Robin lifts his head away from Ant’s chest, bright blue tear-filled eyes locking with the brown ones of his best friend.  
  
“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out,” Ant says, his eyes locked with Robin’s. He moves his hand to gently wipe away the tears that sit on Robin’s cheeks. “I promise,”  
  
A small smile curls up on Robin’s lips at Ant’s words and he turns his face towards the Portuguese man’s hand. “António, you’re-”  
  
He doesn’t finish his sentence as the door swings open, revealing a worried Nico, wearing a soaked leather jacket and a worried expression. “I just got your messages, babe-” He says, pausing as he sees Robin and Ant together. “What’s going on?”  
  
“Nothing,” Robin pushes himself away from Ant as though his touch is white-hot fire. “I’m sorry, you didn’t answer your phone-”  
  
“So you call up António instead?”  
  
Ant feels the discomfort twist in his chest at Nico’s words. The taller man’s expression is unreadable, his face strangely vacant. Robin holds Nico’s glance, his eyes narrowed. “Nico, we’ve talked about this-”  
  
“And yet you keep doing it-”  
  
“We’re not having this discussion now,” Robin mutters under his breath. “Not in front of-”  
  
“I’ll go,” Ant pipes up, worrying his lip as he glances between the two lovers. “I don’t want to take up any more of your time,” He gives Robin a quick smile as he turns on his heel towards the front door.  
  
“Toni, you don’t have to go-”  
  
“It’s fine,” Ant cuts off the Dutchman. “I don’t want to encroach on anymore of your quality time with Nico,” He shrugs on his jacket and picks up his umbrella.  
  
“Toni, _ please _ ,” Robin begs.  
  
“Goodnight, Robin,” Ant says, as he opens the door and walks away from Robin, trying to ignore the thoughts that are running through his head, how upset Robin looked, how tense Nico was at the sight of them together-  
  
Robin keeps his distance from Ant after that. Ant pretends not to notice that Nico’s hand on Robin’s waist whenever he’s near, how Robin never seems to reply to his messages straight away like he used to.  
  
_ I miss you. _ He sends, one night.  
  
The text goes unanswered.  


* * *

  
Ant tries to move on from Robin. He has his moments of weakness late at night, where he checks his social media and fights the urge to type a message into the comments section on Robin’s profile. He’s secured a drive in Blancpain and appears to be happier and healthier - though Ant doesn’t miss the profile picture of him and Nico curled up on a hammock, the taller man pressing a kiss to his cheek.  
  
Tom Blomqvist comes along at the perfect time. He’s single, and doesn’t want anything serious - _ it’s just a bit of fun_, Ant tells himself after Zandvoort as he presses Tom into the sheets back at the BMW motorhome. The trophy that he held aloft only a few hours ago gleams in the light, casting Ant’s reflection back to him as he kisses Tom. It almost feels like it’s judging him.  
  
The one-time thing between himself and Tom turns into two times, then three - Ant soon loses count as they tumble into rumpled sheets and he fights the urge to say Robin’s name. He is fond of Tom - it would be a lie to try and convince himself otherwise - they get on well and they possess the same laid back attitude. _ But he’s not Robin _ , his mind whispers as they lay together, coiled underneath the thin sheets.  
  
“Do you think we should make this arrangement a little more permanent?” Tom turns to him, a smirk playing over his lips.  
  
_ Why not_, Ant thinks. He answers with a kiss. “Sounds good to me,”  
  
Things are good between the two of them for a while - it’s easy enough to spend time together at DTM races, for Tom to tangle their fingers together and pull him towards their motorhome. Ant gets used to being in a relationship with Tom. Sleepy smiles in the morning, late evening runs followed by a detour to the beach to roll around in the sand, Tom’s hand finding his during the press conferences when they’re together. He almost forgets about Robin.  
  
_ Almost _ , being the pre-emptive word. Tom initially welcomed Ant’s decision to race in another series and broaden his horizons in electric racing. He came to a few races in the beginning, celebrated when Ant claimed his first victory in the series - until Ant told him he was going to Andretti and to Robin.  
  
“Why do you have to go there?”  
  
Ant sighs heavily. “I told you already. Aguri is going under, and I need a seat for next year,”  
  
“But why can’t you just stay in DTM with me?” Tom asks, his eyes dark with anger. “Why do you have to go there?”  
  
“We’ve been over this, Tom,” Ant pushes a hand through his hair in frustration. “You were perfectly fine when I was with Salvador-”  
  
“Because you weren’t teammates with _ him, _ ” He spits out the last word as though it’s venom. “How do I know that you’ve moved on from him?”  
  
Ant doesn’t answer, only regretting his decision to tell Tom everything when they were nothing. Tom’s response is a slammed door and a hushed sob.  


* * *

  
He finally comes face to face with Robin again at pre-season testing. His heart skips a beat at their matching overalls and Robin’s wide grin at the sight of him. He falls against Robin, pulling the smaller man into his arms, Robin melting into his hold.  
  
“Long time no see,” Robin murmurs against his ear. “I’ve missed you,”  
  
“I’ve missed you too,” Ant whispers back, with a smile curling over his lips. “How have you been?”  
  
“Same old,” Robin replies. “It’s good to see you again,” He reaches up to pat Ant on the shoulder and that’s when Ant spots _ it _ . The gold ring encircling Robin’s finger. He feels the chill through his bones at the sight. Robin follows his gaze, and smiles.  
  
“Nico proposed last month. We tried to keep it quiet,”  
  
Ant resists the urge to snort. _ Sure, he wanted to keep it quiet by giving you a garish gold ring. _ “I’m happy for you,” He forces out.  
  
“Thanks, man. How is Tom by the way?”  
  
Ant fights the urge to throw up, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information.  


* * *

  
The feelings that Ant buried deep down inside for Robin seem to instantly resurface as they’re forced to spend all their time together, locked up in meetings with their engineers. Ant sometimes finds himself looking at the ring on Robin’s finger, wondering if he and Nico are okay, if they’re still as in love as always. They get closer and closer and fall back into old habits, Robin slowly becoming more comfortable with him once again. Ant gets used to Robin being in his life again, gets used to the brief touches and the blinding smile that only he seems to receive and the fact that Tom hasn’t spoken to him since pre-season doesn’t weigh too heavily on his mind.  
  
Nico attends the race in Mexico City. Ant watches him cross the paddock, his pass hanging proudly around his neck - _ Guest of R. Frijns - _ and collect Robin in his arms. Robin smiles back at the taller man, their lips moving against each other. Nico’s hand fists into the hair at the nape of Robin’s neck and Ant tries to catch a glimpse of a matching ring on Nico’s hand. Nico’s finger is bare and Ant tries not to read too much into it.  
  
He texts Tom later that night and gets no response. He didn’t expect anything less.  


* * *

  
Nico is strangely absent in Monaco. Ant is surprised, Robin had torn his ligament and Nico had posted photos and played the doting loving boyfriend - or fiance, Ant isn’t sure which anymore. Ant ignores the presence of Alex, even though he knows he shouldn’t - Alex is a BMW driver and they know each other well from the junior series, but _ he isn’t Robin_. Robin is strangely quiet throughout the entire race weekend and Ant can’t pinpoint any particular reason. The Dutchman is understandably rattled by Alex’s presence in the garage, and his knee is still giving him problems.  
  
Ant manages to corner the smaller man in the motorhome later that evening, watching him grimace as he flops down on the couch, pain evident on his face.  
  
“Are you okay?” Ant asks gently.  
  
“Fine,” Robin’s response is quiet, half-hearted.  
  
Ant sinks into the cushion next to Robin, his hand moving to ghost over Robin’s knee. It looks swollen and painful, and a flash of pain crossing Robin’s features confirms Ant’s suspicions that Robin is in fact not fine. “You don’t have to lie to me, I’m not like _ them _ ,”  
  
“I just-” Robin pauses. “I feel useless, like I have to race or they’ll replace me. I don’t even think I’ll be here next year,”  
  
“Don’t say that,” Ant scolds, his hand still on Robin’s knee. “You’ve been better than me, and you know how much it hurts me to admit that-”  
  
The comment forces a small smile from Robin’s lips for a moment, before his expression again turns grave. “I feel like I’m being forced out, just because I don’t drive for BMW,”  
  
“They’d be stupid to get rid of you,” Ant says softly, rubbing Robin’s knee.  
  
Robin nods once and sniffs. Ant immediately looks up, noticing the tears glistening in Robin’s eyes. “Something else is bothering you, isn’t it?”  
  
“I shouldn’t say anything-” Robin bites his lip as he turns his eyes towards Ant.  
  
“You can tell me anything,” Ant says, and it means it.  
  
“It’s Nico-” Robin blurts out, pushing a hand through his hair. “He just - he wants to get married and I’m not ready for it, we keep arguing-”  
  
Ant remains silent, his hand stroking over Robin’s knee. “He’ll come around, it’s probably difficult with you two in different series and going to different countries all the time,”  
  
“No,” Robin shakes his head. “He doesn’t understand. He just thinks all of the problems between us will be solved by us marrying. We keep arguing about you too-” He stops for a moment, panic evident in his eyes.  
  
“What?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t have said anything-”  
  
“Why are you arguing about me?” Ant asks, his hand stilling on Robin’s knee.  
  
“He thinks I’m cheating on him with you,” Robin blurts out. Ant feels Robin slide away from him, as though the contact between them is too much. “He thinks we’re too close and that you are in love with me or something,”  
  
Ant feels his mouth go dry at Robin’s words. He snaps out of his thoughts, his hand curling around Robin’s wrist. “Don’t go,”  
  
“António, let go of me, I have to go-” Robin says, ripping his hand away as though Ant’s touch burns.  
  
Ant doesn’t hear from Robin for a week, until late one night at around 2am when his phone rings out. He snatches it up, ready to chew whoever dares interrupt his sleep out, only to be confronted with heavy sobs, sobs that sound familiar.  
  
“Robin?”  
  
“I ended it,” Robin whimpers. “It’s over,”  
  
“Do you want to come over?” Ant asks, worrying his lip. “I can pick you up from the airport?”  
  
The silence is the only answer he needs.  


* * *

  
Robin steps through arrivals at Lisbon Airport with nothing but a small bag of clothes and the ring missing from his finger. Ant stares at the bare skin, the slight paleness where the ring used to sit before they flicker up to the tear-filled eyes of his teammate and best friend.  
  
“Come here,” He whispers, opening his arms and allowing Robin to step into them. Robin falls against him, tears dampening the front of Ant’s shirt. “I’m so sorry,”  
  
“No, I’m sorry for making you get out of bed for my problems,” Robin says, shaking his head. “I just- I had to leave that house,”  
  
Ant nods once. It makes sense - Robin and Nico had moved in together two years ago, settling in some sleepy suburb in Thun. Ant has never visited the place but he’s seen it enough times in the background of Nico’s instagram photos. He steers Robin towards his BMW, gently coaxing the Dutchman into the passenger seat.  
  
Robin is fairly quiet during the drive back to Cascais. Ant finds his gaze flickering between the road, still dark even in the early morning sunshine to Robin, curled up against the window. He wants to ask Robin about what happened, but he can’t bring himself to ask.  
  
“He kept talking about getting married, kept asking me if the reason I didn’t want to get married was because I didn’t love him,” Robin’s voice suddenly pipes up, as though he heard Ant’s question. “He said he couldn’t keep doing this and-”  
  
“I’m sorry,”  
  
“It’s not your fault,” Robin says, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie. “You didn’t do any of this,”  
  
Ant worries his lip as he turns his attention back to the road. “So you called it off?”  
  
“Yes,” Robin sniffs. “Gave him the ring back, he left to go to his parents and I called you - I’m sorry again, I didn’t know who else to call,”  
  
Ant nods once. “It’s okay, I’ll always be here for you,”  
  
And he means it.  
  
They arrive at Ant’s house, shortly after the sun begins to greet them over the rocks that surround the patio doors. Ant moves to return to his bedroom for another couple of hours of sleep, but Robin’s hand on his wrist stops him. “Please,” Robin says, his blue eyes pleading. “Can I stay with you? I don’t want to be alone,”  
  
Ant knows he should say no. It’s dangerous to play with fire - especially the fire of someone who has recently broken off their engagement but he cannot say no to Robin. He nods once and leads Robin to his bed. They didn’t speak at all as they both strip down to their boxers - Robin keeping his t-shirt on, as he always does - and curl up underneath the sheets. They lay side by side, barely touching, allowing the silence to wash over them.  
  
“Thank you,” Robin says, after what feels like hours. He turns to face Ant, his face barely illuminated by the small shaft of light drifting through the blinds. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,”  
  
“You’re welcome,” Ant murmurs, allowing Robin to move closer. “I’ll always be here for you,” He says as Robin buries his face into Ant’s shoulder.  
  
“I know, that’s the problem,” Robin mutters against the tanned skin.  
  
Before Ant can press Robin on what he means, the Dutchman is lax against his body, his mouth open and his head filled with dreams.  


* * *

  
Robin ends up staying at Ant’s for the next few weeks. Ant is glad for the company, and Taco and Glock adore the small Dutchman. He gets used to them doing everything together - cooking meals in the warmth of Ant’s kitchen, Robin sitting on the beach watching him surf, standing side by side as they brush their teeth and falling into the same bed together.  
  
“Thank you for letting me stay the last few weeks,” Robin says one evening as they’re laid in Ant’s bed. “It’s really helped,”  
  
“Anytime,” Ant replies, turning his head slightly to glance at the Dutchman. “Do you have any idea what you’re going to do next?”  
  
“Not sure,” Robin admits, his nose wrinkling slightly. “Possibly move back to Maastricht?”  
  
“I can always help you if you want,”  
  
“You’ve done enough for me,” Robin says, sighing heavily. “I can’t ask you to keep putting your life on hold for me,”  
  
“I want to help,” Ant’s voice is soft, his eyes locked on the shorter man. “You know I’ll do anything I can,”  
  
“I know,” Robin says, holding his gaze. “I’m just so confused right now-”  
  
“About what?”  
  
The silence stretches out between the pair for a moment, before Robin answers, his voice barely audible. “ _ Us _ ,”  
  
“What?” Ant mumbles back, his eyes widening at Robin’s answer. “What do you mean?”  
  
“Being here with you is so confusing-” Robin starts. “I’ve not thought about Nico once and I feel guilty about that, but I can’t stop thinking about you-” He moves in slightly and Ant can see the freckles across his nose. “I just want to know-”  
  
“Know what?” Ant’s voice is husky, his gaze looked on the smaller man’s. “I don’t know if this is a good idea-” He’s silenced by Robin’s lips brushing against his own and a groan tumbles from his mouth.  
  
Robin’s lips are chapped but warm, his body melts against Ant’s. Ant feels the warmth curl in his lower groin at the sensation, at the breathily sigh that draws itself from Robin’s lips before realisation kicks in. He’s kissing his teammate. His teammate who until recently was engaged to another man.  
  
Ant rips his lips away, ignoring the pained sigh that sounds through the air. “I’m sorry,” He murmurs with drying lips. “I can’t, I can’t be your rebound-”  
  
“Toni, please, it’s not-”  
  
“It’s okay, I’ll take the spare room,” Ant avoids Robin’s pained glance as he pulls himself from the warm sheets of the bed they’re sharing. He barely sleeps that night, wanting nothing to crawl back into bed with Robin. When he rises in the morning, he finds his bed empty.  
  
_ Went home to sort things out. _ _  
_ _ I’m sorry about last night. _ _  
_ _ R x _  
  
He tries to ignore the ache in his heart at the words written on the paper tucked neatly on the pillow Robin had slept on hours before.  


* * *

  
Ant tries to give Robin space in New York and Montreal, but it proves difficult - they are still teammates. Ant tries to focus on ensuring that he has a good end to the season and extracting everything he can from the car. He fights not to get involved when Sebastien has a meltdown in front of their pitbox, when he corners Robin and yells over him. But Robin gives as good as he gets and snarls back exactly what he thinks. He slinks away back to his garage to lick his wounds and Ant knows that he should go to the Dutchman.  
  
He doesn’t.  
  
He still doesn’t go to Robin when BMW announce that they won’t be retaining him for the next season, leaving Robin without a seat. Ant tries to process the news and ignore the feeling of nausea that builds up inside his stomach. He feels sickened at how BMW have treated him, pretending that everything was fine with the contract, only to back out at the last minute.  
  
_ Congratulations on the season 4 seat x _ Robin sends him, but he can’t think of a suitable reply. So he ignores the message, leaves it unread and tries to focus on the upcoming season, hoping that Robin will return through another team.  
  
Robin doesn’t return but Ant suddenly finds himself in a precarious position, as Tom fills the space left by Robin. He smiles at Ant, beaming widely as he takes in their matching overalls.  
  
“It’s good to see you again,” Tom says, almost sounding smug and Ant wishes he could return the sentiment.  


* * *

  
Ant tries to resist Tom for as long as he can, it’s easy enough in Hong Kong with the younger man absent, but he soon concedes defeat in Santiago. He hates to admit it, but it’s down to a stupid instagram post.  
  
nico.mueller51: ** _You make a grey day bright again. _ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _  
_ ** The photo is a simple one, the shadowed silhouettes of Robin and Nico at a sunset, their hands entwined, Robin leaning into Nico’s chest. Ant swallows heavily at the sight. He’s not surprised that Robin found his way back to Nico - he knew it was a matter of time, but there’s still something buried deep in his chest at the sight of the pair together again.  
  
Ant tumbles into bed with his teammate, his fingers fumbling at sweaty Nomex. Tom whines against his lips as bare skin is exposed, fingernails scraping against his back leaving marks he knows will still be there in the morning. But he doesn’t care, he doesn’t think about Nico and Robin together again and if the thought crosses his mind, he pretends otherwise.  
  
And it continues on from there. He tries to pretend that it’s normal to check Nico’s social media platforms and fall into bed with Tom. It’s not like it was last time, it’s almost as though Tom knows that it won’t last. He guards his heart, and only opens his legs this time. They fall against one another, panting heavily as Ant peppers kisses over sweaty skin.  
  
“Feels so good,” Tom murmurs against his shoulder.  
  
Ant smiles and fucks him harder, the orgasm rolling over him, thankful that Robin’s name doesn’t tumble from his lips.  
  
Until it does, and they implode after Paris. Ant knew it was coming - the team aren’t happy with Tom’s performance and he’s becoming a distraction. Tom tells him the news with a forced smile on his face, the bruise that Ant sucked onto his skin a few days ago still visible.  
  
“I know I could never replace him,” He says with venom tinging his words.  
  
Ant knows he isn’t simply talking about his racing seat.  


* * *

  
**nico.mueller51** : _ @audisport team @abt_sportsline gang! Can’t wait to get the new season underway! _  
  
Ant reads the caption, glancing at the photo of Robin and Nico smiling in their matching Audi jackets and resists the urge to be sick.  
  
_ They’re teammates. They’re going to be teammates. _ _  
_ _  
_ Nico has Robin all to himself like he always wanted. Ant knows they used to argue about the limited time they spent together - but with the pair of them of teammates, they’re bound to spend more time together. Ant has tried to focus on the upcoming pre-season tests at BMW. He knows that he will have a new teammate in a few months, and that it definitely won’t be Robin.  
  
He watches a few of the DTM races, but it isn’t until Misano that he finally plucks up the courage to text Robin and congratulate him on his first podium.  
  
Robin’s response is instantaneous.  
  
_ Thanks, mate. We need a catch up soon x _ _  
_ _  
_ Ant smiles for the first time in what feels like months at the reply, particularly at the kiss decorating the end of Robin’s message.  
  
They don’t find time to catch up - what with Robin’s programme in DTM and Blancpain, and Nico presumably taking up the rest of his time but the response is enough to allow them to begin to contact one another again. Ant pretends not to notice that Robin seems to respond quicker when he’s on duty at Blancpain weekends, thankful that the Dutchman is back in his life. Robin never mentions the kiss or what happened between them, nor does he mention Tom or Nico. The months melt away, and their relationship returns to what it once was.  
  
Until Robin calls Ant one morning, sounding harried. “I’m coming back to Formula E,”  
  
Ant chokes at the words. “W-what? What do you mean?”  
  
“Not to BMW,” Robin laughs. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but I’m sat in the airport waiting for my flight to London and I’m freaking out-”  
  
“Why are you freaking out?”  
  
“Because I don’t want it to end like it did last time,” Robin admits quietly. He lets out a quiet sigh, only audible to Ant. “And I don’t think Nico is happy about it-” There’s a pause. “Sorry, I shouldn’t say that-”  
  
“It’s okay,” Ant says. “I’m glad that you’re back,”  
  
“Me too,” Robin says wistfully.  
  
“And I’m looking forward to kicking your ass next season,” Ant cuts in, trying to diffuse some of the awkwardness still hanging to their conversation.  
  
Robin laughs. “In your dreams, Da Costa,”  
  
Ant doesn’t stop smiling, even later that evening when Robin steps out next to Sam as Virgin’s second driver. He just watches the scene unfold, grin still wide at the sight of Robin in overalls bearing the familiar light blue logo.  
  
They don’t stop texting, even throughout pre-season testing.  


* * *

  
Ant wins the opening round at Al Diriyah and suddenly, all the heartache that he suffered last year melts away as he holds the trophy aloft, the Portuguese flag fluttering around his waist as the champagne flows down his throat. Robin is waiting for him in the media pen, clapping his hand and pulling him into a hug, congratulations whispered in his ear. He’s soon cornered by all the journalists, his attention snatched away. He catches Robin out of the corner of his eye, moving away from the pen to answer a phone call.  
  
“Nico, not now-” He hears Robin’s murmur, even over the din of the crowd.  


* * *

  
Marrakesh rolls around quickly, Ant barely has time to get his trophy back to his cabinet in Cascais before he’s back on a plane, hoping to claim another race win. It seems that history is due to repeat itself as he forces his way past Sam and into the lead, only to push down on his brakes on the twenty sixth lap and to slide wide and into Alex’s car -  
  
Ant feels numb as he pulls himself out of his BMW and stands by the chain-link fence, his hands twisting into the cool metal. He can only watch as Robin challenges Jerome for the win, still numbed by his own actions. He barely makes it through the media duties, still angered by the situation and retires to his motorhome, stopping only to kick off his racing boots and curls up on his bed, closing his eyes as his fist curls around the pillows.  
  
He’s awakened by a quiet knock what feels like five minutes later. He pushes a hair through his messy hair, checking his watch to find it’s almost a quarter to midnight. Another knock sounds out and Ant sighs in exasperation, pulling himself from the comfort of his sheets to yank the door open. “Alex, I’m not in the mood-” He begins, only to freeze as Robin stands in front of him, his eyes wet with tears.  
  
“Can I come in?” Robin asks quietly. “It’s okay if you’re angry, I understand-”  
  
Robin’s expression cools Ant’s anger and he stands to one side, silently allowing the Dutchman into his motorhome. He follows Robin to the lounge area, watching the smaller man drop onto the couch heavily, his head falling into his hands.  
  
“Robin, what are you doing here?”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Robin says, slowly lifting his head. “I just-” He bites down on his lip, wiping his face with his hands.  
  
Ant slowly sinks into the couch next to the Dutchman. “What’s wrong?” He asks, all anger absent from his tone. “What happened?”  
  
“Nico-” Robin begins, biting back a sob. “I think he’s been cheating on me-”  
  
Silence stretches out between the pair for a moment before Ant grits his teeth, moving to push himself up from the couch. “I’ll kill him,”  
  
He’s stopped by a warm hand curling around his wrist. “Toni, no,” Robin murmurs. “I don’t know for sure, I found some interesting messages to someone on his phone when I borrowed it earlier-”  
  
“And you think he’s been cheating?”  
  
“I don’t know for sure, but he’s been acting weird for the past few months. He’s been quiet and withdrawn and I don’t know, I don’t know what to think-”  
  
“Have you asked him about it?” Ant asks, trying to keep his voice soft. He cradles Robin’s hand in his own, thumb stroking over the soft skin.  
  
“No,” Robin says, shaking his head and brushing away the fresh tears. “I just panicked and came straight to you-”  
  
Ant sighs heavily. “You should speak to him, maybe it’s a misunderstanding?”  
  
“But what if it isn’t?” Robin bites down on his lip, and Ant has to fight every fibre of his being not to brush his fingers against those plush lips. He can’t do that to Robin again, not when he’s so vulnerable and hurt.  
  
“Maybe it is,” Ant says calmly. “You need to talk to him,”  
  
“But what if he is cheating on me?”  
  
Ant pulls Robin closer, his hand moving to curl around Robin’s shoulder. “You don’t know that for sure, you need to get his side of the story too,”  
  
“But, Toni-”  
  
“Robin, go and make him explain. You can always come back here if you need me,”  
  
Robin’s lips finally curl into a small smile. “Thank you,”  
  
Ant returns the smile. “Get out of here,”  
  
And Robin does, the heat from his body suddenly leaving Ant’s body as their fingers untangle from one another and Ant watches Robin’s back as he disappears through the door. He twists himself back against the couch, sighing heavily as his head hits the couch cushion, his feet dangling over the edge. His thoughts seem to be in overdrive as he thinks about Robin’s tear-filled eyes, about Nico’s secrets. He could have easily talked Robin into not going back to the motorhome he is presumably sharing with Nico.  
_  
_ _ I did you a favour, you bastard, _ he thinks as the thoughts turn over and over through his brain. He presses a hand against his eyes, trying to make the image of Robin crying leave the forefront of his mind, but the anger that he felt earlier at the Dutchman’s words resurfaces again.  
  
He twists his fist into the material of the couch as he thinks about Nico being with someone else, having someone else in Robin’s place-  
  
Robin’s eyes filling with tears-  
  
“I’d be a better boyfriend than _ him_,” He declares under his breath, before he closes his eyes and waits for sleep to claim him.  


* * *

  
Ant blinks open his eyes, waking to a comforting warmth surrounding his chest. He wrinkles his nose in confusion - he could have sworn he fell asleep on the couch last night alone. But there’s now a warmth pooling over his bare skin - he doesn't remember taking off his overalls - the familiar feel of a body curled against his own in the rumpled sheets. He lifts his head, sleep still clinging to the corners of his eyes as he glances at the body curled against his own and feels his mouth drop open at the sight.  
  
He’s curled around Robin. He pauses for a moment, head lifting from the pillow to take in the sight of Robin asleep, dark eyelashes hiding familiar blue eyes and lips slightly parted. Robin stirs under his gaze, his eyes slowly opening as he blinks away sleep- 

Ant prepares himself for the fallout, for Robin to snatch himself away as though he has been burned but the Dutchman only offers Ant a sleepy smile. "Morning, love," he murmurs, and there's something in his tone that Ant has never heard before. 

"Robin, I-" Ant begins, only to be silenced by Robin's soft lips against his own. Ant tries to stay focused but he finds a groan brush from his mouth as Robin's tongue swipes across the curve of his lips. "Robin-"

"Mmm, Nico," Robin murmurs against his lips, his hands moving to brush against the thin material of Ant's boxer shorts. "I need you-"

Ant pushes the shorter man away, his cheeks reddened from the exertion. "Robin, we can't do this-"

"Are you still upset with me about last night, Nico? Because you said you were fine," Robin says softly, his tongue wetting his lips. “We talked about it, remember?”

_ Nico, Nico _ . “Why do you keep calling me Nico?” Ant blurts out. Silence hangs in the air for a moment before Robin laughs, his hand moving to brush against Ant’s face.  
  
“Are you feeling okay? That’s your name, you idiot,” He says, fondly as his thumb brushes over Ant’s face.  
  
Ant feels the nausea rise up in his stomach as Robin’s hand caresses his face, his blue eyes locked on him. “I- I have to go,” He murmurs out, wrenching himself away from Robin’s touch. He stumbles to the bathroom, pausing to lock the door only to turn and face the mirror to see Nico Müller’s face staring back at him.  
  
He pauses for a moment, blinking at his reflection - staring into eyes that are no longer soft brown but bright blue. He pushes a hand through blonde hair, blinking again as though to dispel the mirage in front of him. But it’s no use - Nico’s face remains in his reflection. His fingers brush over his face, exploring the slightly longer nose that now sits on his face, the plusher lips-  
  
“Fuck,” He murmurs under his breath, tugging on his hair. “Fuck,”  


* * *

  
“Nico? Are you okay?” There’s a knock at the bathroom door and Ant feels his back stiffen at Robin’s voice filtering through the thin wood. “Are you feeling sick?”  
  
“I-I’m fine,” Ant murmurs back, flinching as he realises Nico’s voice falls from his lips. He hadn’t before - too caught up in the situation with Robin. He sighs heavily, hand still pressing through his hair, tugging on the blonde strands.  
  
The handle turns slowly and Robin enters the bathroom. Thankfully for Ant, he’s managed to acquire some clothes along the way - though Ant is certain that the t-shirt definitely belongs to Nico - it hangs from Robin’s small body, covering the patterned boxers.  
  
“Nico,” Robin’s voice is soft and his eyes hold genuine concern. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks, moving closer to Ant.  
  
Ant feels a pang of something in his chest as he realises that they’re no longer the same height - he’s looking down on Robin and he _hates it._ He feels Robin’s hand reach up to brush against his face, turning it down towards him. Ant meets the blue eyes of his best friend and feels his mouth turn dry.  
  
“I’m fine, I’m just tired,” He murmurs out.  
  
Robin smirks at his words. “Did I wear you out last night?” 

“I-” Ant begins, only to be interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. Robin raises an eyebrow at him, and is about to continue their conversation when another knock rattles through the silence.  
  
“Robin! Are you there?”  
  
Ant flinches at the sound of his own voice on the other side of the door.

* * *

  
Ant tries to control his breathing as Robin reluctantly drops his hands, turning on his heel to leave the bathroom. Ant reluctantly follows the shorter man, moving to pick up a shirt from the floor on the way. Another knock sounds against the door before Robin pulls it open.  
  
Ant finds it unnerving to see his own face staring back at him from the doorway. Though, does he really look like _ that _ when he’s angry?  
  
“Hey, Toni. What are you doing here?” Robin seems oblivious to the angry expression.  
  
“Hey, Robin, is _ Nico _ around? I really need to talk to him,”  
  
Ant ignores the confused glance that Robin throws him and tugs the shirt over his pale torso, moving to step outside.  


* * *

  
Ant finds himself slammed up against the side of the motorhome, and if it wasn’t unnerving enough to be shoved up against a metal wall by someone several inches shorter than himself, it’s even more unnerving to see his face - _ Nico’s face _ for now - alight with pure rage.  
  
“What the fuck have you done, Da Costa?” Nico spits, his hands fisting into Ant’s shirt. “I woke up this morning as _ you_,”  
  
“I haven’t done anything,” Ant snarls back, trying to push Nico away. “I woke up like this,”  
  
“Bet you loved that didn’t you? Waking up naked with my boyfriend,”  
  
“Nico, please. I didn’t ask for this,” Ant says, worrying his lip.  
  
“Well, I definitely didn’t ask for it did I? Why would I want to be _ you_?”  
  
Ant ignores the sting of Nico’s words. “We shouldn’t tell Robin, not until we can figure out how to switch back-”  
  
“Yeah, of course you would suggest that. He thinks you’re me, you can have him like you always wanted,”  
  
“I don’t want that at all,” Ant murmurs, shaking his head. 

"Just stay away from him," Nico hisses. Ant glances into dark brown eyes - his own eyes- and repressed the shudder that shakes his shoulders. 

"Nico, where are you?" Robin's voice calls out. "Toni, what are you doing?" He asks, his narrowed eyes taking in the sight of Nico's hands fisted into Ant's shirt. 

Nico immediately loosens his hold on Ant. "Nothing," he says, nonchalantly. "Nothing at all," He murmurs under his breath.

He fixes Ant with a glance and Ant never thought staring at his own face would cause shivers to erupt down his spine. His eyes soften as his gaze flickers over to Robin before he turns on his heel and storms off in the opposite direction. 

Robin watched him go silently before he turns his attention towards Ant. "Are you going to tell me what that was about?"

"Nothing," Ant says a little too quickly. "It's nothing,"

Robin sighs in exasperation. "We have talked about this. You know I hate it when you two fight,"

"I'm sorry," Ant murmurs out, and he means it. He does, however, push away the little niggling thought over Robin's words. He wonders how many times that Robin and Nico have fought over him. 

* * *

“What happened between you and António?” Robin asks him as they wait for their flight back to Basel later that evening.  
  
Ant worries his lip, glancing at the smaller man. “It was nothing really, just a small misunderstanding,”  
  
Robin sighs heavily. “I just want the two of you to get on. He is my best friend after all,” He leans in and tangles their fingers together, forcing a deep blush to bloom across Ant’s cheeks. It feels wrong somehow - to do this with Robin. “I know you don’t get on with him, but I wish you’d try for me,”  
  
“Robin, I-”  
  
“What?” Robin pauses, his head cocking slightly, his blue eyes fixing upon Ant’s, and for a moment, Ant feels like he’s seeing right through his facade. “I’m not asking you to be best friends with him, Nico. I just- this jealousy has got to stop-”  
  
“Jealousy?” Ant blurts out, confusion blurring his tone. “What jealousy?”  
  
“Don’t act dumb. You know what I’m talking about,”  
  
“Nico- I mean, I’m jealous of António?” Ant says, his head spinning at Robin’s comments. “What-” He begins, only to pause as Robin’s hand brushes against his cheek, forcing him to look into the bright blue eyes of his best friend.  
  
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been acting weird all day,” Robin asks, his voice softer than Ant has ever heard.  
  
His heart tugs at the tone, the tone that is clearly meant for _ Nico_, for Robin’s boyfriend. His thumb moves over the smooth plains of Ant’s face - he’s not used to not having a beard - and he jolts at the contact.  
  
“I’m fine,” Ant murmurs, giving the Dutchman a small smile. “I think I’m just tired from this heat,”  
  
Robin returns the smile, and moves closer to Ant, his head falling against his shoulder. Ant tries not to startle at the contact, choosing to wrap his arm around Robin’s shoulders to pull him closer. He knows he should heed Nico’s warning and keep the distance between them - but Robin feels good against him. He worries his lip at the sensation of constant warmth brushing against the thin material of his hoodie.  
  
“You’d tell me if anything was bothering you right?” Robin murmurs against the fabric, his finger tracing circles over Ant’s chest.  
  
“Of course,” Ant says, feeling the warmth flare up at his chest at Robin’s touch. There’s a tiny thought - one he tries to push away - that tells him that this is wrong. He’s used to Robin fitting directly against his shoulder and the Dutchman looks tiny against his - _ Nico’s _ \- body.  


* * *

  
Ant wakes up the next morning, and is disappointed to find himself still in Nico’s body. However, the fuzziness of sleep soon leaves him as he feels Robin’s smaller warm body against his own, his dick pressing against the small of Ant’s back-  
  
Ant stiffens at the contact as Robin lets out a sleepy sigh. “Are you awake, babe?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Ant murmurs out as Robin’s hands suddenly move under the t-shirt that he had insisted on wearing to bed, despite Robin’s protests that he never wore a shirt to bed. “What are you doing?” He hopes his voice is steady enough to not make Robin suspicious - the Dutchman was already confused over his decision to wear the shirt to bed.  
  
“What do you think I’m doing?” Robin answers with a smirk, his hand sliding beneath the edge of Ant’s thin boxer shorts. His fingers are warm and Ant feels his body - or rather _ Nico’s body _ \- respond to the touch. Robin says nothing else, wearing only the smirk as his hand inches closer -  
  
“Someone’s happy to see me,” Robin murmurs thickly, his breath ghosting against the shell of Ant’s ear.  
  
Ant knows he shouldn’t. He knows that it’s not right to allow himself to be intimate with Robin but he can’t stop himself. Nico’s body betrays him and he gasps out as Robin’s hand closes over his dick. He can’t stop himself as he twists his head slightly to tangle their lips together. Robin accepts the kiss willingly, his hand lazily moving over Ant’s groin, feeling the warmth pool as Robin pulls away from the kiss, lips slightly swollen and slick with saliva, his eyes half lidded as he fixes Ant with a smile.  
  
“Please, Nico-”  
  
Ant jolts for a moment, remembering exactly who he is supposed to be, and the fact that he’s kissing a man who does not belong to him. He’s brought back from his racing thoughts by soft lips moving against his cheek. “Nico?”  
  
“Yeah?” Ant says, his tongue darting out to wet his drying lips.  
  
“Will you-” Robin says, worrying his lip. “Please?”  
  
Ant can’t say no. He knows he should, but Robin’s lips shine in the early morning sunshine, barely filtering through the blinds. Ant hears his heart thudding against his ribcage. He’s really going to do _ this _ . He’s really going to do this _ with Robin _ . Robin stares up at him with darkened eyes, his gaze drinking in the sight of Ant above him, his lips barely parting. Ant leans in and their lips collide together, barely leaving one another as he pins Robin to the rumpled sheets -  
  
A high-pitched ring cuts through their ragged breaths. Ant reluctantly pulls his lips away and cocks at his head at the sound. “What is that?”  
  
“The doorbell,” Robin says, his voice almost a whisper. “Just ignore it-”  
  
But the ringing is incessant. Ant heaves himself off Robin, trying to ignore the slight wave of relief that rolls over him as he pads over to the front door.  
  
He opens the door, only to be jolted back to reality. The guilt curls in the bottom of his stomach as he takes in the sight of himself stood on the doorstep, wearing what could only be considered as a grave expression.  
  
“Da Costa,” Nico says, his brown eyes - Ant’s eyes - flickering over his body. “I thought I told you to stay away from him,”  
  
“Toni,” Robin’s voice cuts through the impending silence. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“Did you forget about me coming?” Nico says, pasting on a smile.  
  
Ant looks at him carefully, he can see the dark circles under Nico’s eyes, a sure sign that the other man did not sleep. Ant can hardly blame him - he doubts he would be able to sleep if his boyfriend was sleeping in a bed with another man. Nico ignores his glances of worry to move towards Robin. Ant doesn’t miss him taking in Robin’s lack of clothing.  
  
“Sorry for interrupting,” His tone is apologetic but Ant knows better, he knows his own voice. He watches Nico wrap Robin up in a hug, the slight shock that slips over his features as he realises that Robin is a similar height to himself now. Robin smiles, his hand slapping over Nico’s shoulder. Ant watches Nico’s face press against Robin’s shoulder, a small smile dancing over his lips and the guilt presses harder.  
  
If Nico hugs Robin for a little too long, nobody says anything. Ant sees the smile fall for a moment as Robin pulls away from Nico.  


* * *

  
Ant doesn’t remember when they started drinking - it must have been when they sat down to dinner together (grilled chicken with vegetables and sweet potato, he still remembers that Robin isn’t allowed anywhere near a stove).  
  
“You don’t usually cook chicken,” Robin remarks as he leans back, taking another sip of his drink.  
  
Ant feels the panic flicker in his chest for a moment. “Just fancied a change, I guess?”  
  
The answer seems to placate Robin and the Dutchman tosses back the rest of his drink. He links his hand with Ant’s, making the other man’s gaze flicker over to where Nico is sitting. Nico’s gaze clouds over at the sight of their entwined hands and he knocks back another shot. Ant knows that he has no alcohol tolerance, but he isn’t sure how to inform Nico of that fact - certainly not when the younger man is glaring at his and Robin’s interlinked hands.  
  
Ant tries to ignore the heated glances - they’re unnerving enough without realising that he is his own gaze directed onto him and laughs at some comment Robin makes, the Dutchman’s other hand moving to caress over his leg. He drinks his fair share, as does Robin, evident with his increasing touches which only serves to make Nico toss back more shots with a thunderous expression. Ant knows it won’t end well. And he’s right - Robin presses a sloppy kiss to Ant’s cheek and Nico stands up, wobbling slightly from the alcohol.  
  
“Toni, are you alright?” Robin pipes up, his gaze one of worry as he takes in the sight of Nico - in Ant’s body - staggering towards the front door.  
  
“J-just need some fresh air,” Nico calls out, and Robin levels Ant with a worried glance.  
  
He follows Nico outside and Ant sighs heavily. _ What if Nico tells Robin everything? What if he lets it slip that he’s actually Nico? _ _  
_ _  
_ He tries to ignore the thoughts as he picks up the empty beer bottles, trying not to think about what Nico is saying and how angry Robin will be. He’s finished throwing away the bottles and tidying the kitchen when Robin returns with an unreadable expression on his face. He avoids Ant’s gaze and immediately climbs to the stairs to bed. Ant follows him, watching the tense line of Robin’s back as he pulls his t-shirt over his head.  
  
“Are you alright?” Robin closes his eyes at Ant’s voice - well, Nico’s voice, breaking through the silence.  
  
“M’fine,” Robin says quietly, still avoiding Ant’s gaze. He shucks out of his jeans silently, moving towards their bed.  
  
Ant feels his mind go into overdrive. Has Nico told Robin everything? Does Robin know that Ant has been lying to him and essentially cheating on his boyfriend? The guilt knots in the bottom of his stomach. “I’m fine, honestly,” Robin’s voice is soft. “I just need some sleep, I guess,”  
  
Ant nods once, deciding not to pressure the Dutchman, pulling off his own t-shirt before he slides under the duvet. He isn’t sure if it’s the drink or something else, but Robin immediately throws himself at Ant, tangling their lips together in a clash. Ant at first, accepts the kiss, even though part of his brain is screaming no, but there’s something not quite right about it. The kiss feels like desperation, and it only worsens as Robin stiffens at the sensation of Ant’s warm hand brushing against his thigh.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Ant asks, pulling his lips away from Robin.  
  
Robin sighs, biting down on his already swollen lip. “I shouldn’t say-”  
  
“You know you can tell me anything, Robin,” Ant says quietly, his hand moving to gently brush under Robin’s chin. “Just tell me what’s bothering you,”  
  
Robin pauses for a moment. “António kissed me,” He murmurs, closing his eyes. “He’s drunk, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he said that he missed being with me and then he-”  
  
Ant feels as though someone has poured a large bucket of ice-cold water down his spine. “What?”  
  
“He’s drunk, Nico. He didn’t mean it-”  
  
“I’ll go and speak to him,” Ant murmurs out, suddenly numbed by his own thoughts - thoughts of Nico desperately trying to kiss his own boyfriend, of Robin pushing him away with hurt in his eyes-  
  
“Nico, please don’t, I don’t want either of you to hurt each other,”  
  
Ant resists the urge to laugh at the thought of Nico Müller daring to punch himself in his own face, instead brushing a hand over Robin’s cheek. “I’ll go speak to him, it’ll be fine I promise,”  
  
Robin looks unconvinced.  


* * *

  
“Have you fucked him yet?” Nico asks in way of a greeting. He’s sat on the patio in the garden, shirt half open and his cheeks bright red. He gives Ant a forced smile as he knocks back another drink. “Have you come to gloat?”  
  
Ant sighs as he drops into the chair next to Nico. “Nico, it’s not like that,”  
  
“Sure, it isn’t,” Nico snarls and Ant never knew his voice could sound so bitter. “I just want to kiss my fucking boyfriend and he pushes me away-”  
  
“Nico,”  
  
“It’s okay for you!” Nico snaps, tears pricking up in the corners of his eyes. “You get to live my life, you can _ kiss my boyfriend _ ,” He picks up the bottle again but Ant moves forward, knocking it away from his mouth.  
  
“Nico, drinking isn’t going to help,”  
  
“Don’t tell me what to do, Da Costa. Haven’t you done enough?” Nico says, throwing the bottle to one side. “I know, okay? I know that you like him more than a friend-” He pauses for a moment. “And I’m stuck inside _ your _ body,” He yanks a hand through his hair, groaning in exasperation.  
  
“I know that,” Ant says, trying to keep his voice calm. “But we don’t know why this happened in the first place, I don’t like this anymore than you do-”  
  
“Sure, you don’t,” Nico lets out a hollow laugh. “You’ve got everything you ever wanted,”  
  
“You think I like being in this situation?” Ant says, incredulously. “Because I don’t, it’s awkward for me too, Robin thinks I’m _ you _ ,”  
  
“I just hoped- when I kissed him that he would see _ me _ -” Nico says, sorrowfully, his eyes shining with unshed tears.  
  
Ant bites down on his lip and the taste of metallic blood fills his mouth.  
  
Silence brushes over the pair, both sitting opposite one another wordlessly. Nico finally looks up, defeat spreading over his face. “You should go back up to him, he’s probably worrying,”  
  
“But I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t be with him-” Ant blurts out, only to hear a muffled sob from the stairs and footsteps thudding back up to the bedroom.  
  
“Go to him,” Nico says quietly.  
  
“But he’s your boyfriend and-”  
  
“And right now, you’re in _ my _ body,” Nico says, sounding remarkably sober. “You have to go to him, António,”   
  
Ant nods once and slowly pulls himself to his feet.  
  
“Don’t fuck this up,” Nico murmurs, and Ant can see the desperation in his eyes.  


* * *

  
The bedroom is in complete darkness when Ant shuffles in, his lip caught between his teeth, but the unmistakable sound of wet sobs fill the air.  
  
“Robin?” Ant whispers, moving closer to the bundle of blankets on the bed. “Robin, I-”  
  
“Leave me alone, Nico,” Robin snaps out between sobs, his voice muffled by the blankets. “I don’t want to talk-”  
  
“Robin, please,” Ant says softly. “Let me explain,” He sits on the side of the bed, gently pulling the blankets away. “Robin-”  
  
“Did you mean it? That you shouldn’t be with me?” Robin says quietly, the material finally sliding free.  
  
Ant feels his heart ache at the sight of Robin with puffy tear-filled eyes and a downcast expression on his face. “You’ve been acting weird with me and I just don’t know what to do anymore-” He’s cut off by Ant surging forward and pulling the smaller man - he’s still getting used to being much taller than his best friend - into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” He whispers, his hand curling into Robin’s curls at the nape of his neck. “I’m so sorry,”  
  
“No, I’m sorry,” Robin says, his voice sounding wet. “I shouldn’t have sneaked up on you and Toni like that-” He pauses, “You’ve just been acting weird lately, almost like you don’t want to be near me, and you and António keep fighting and I can’t deal with it all,”  
  
“It’s okay,” Ant replies with a soothing tone. His hand moves to brush against Robin’s shoulder, gently moving his fingers over the smooth skin. “I’m sorry,”  
  
Robin’s blue eyes fix on him, looking dark and deep. “Kiss me,”  
  
“Robin-”  
  
“ _ Please_, Nico. Please kiss me,”  
  
Ant knows he shouldn’t. He isn’t Nico, he isn’t the one that Robin is truly seeking comfort from. He thinks about Nico probably still sitting downstairs, about the desperation in his eyes, willing Ant not to fuck him and Robin up -  
  
He kisses Robin, and he can’t help but think it feels _ right_.  


* * *

  
Ant is awoken the next morning by the sound of his own obnoxious singing. He glances down at the warm body pressed against his own - still trying to come to terms with how small Robin looks in his arms. Ant begins to wonder if he is destined to stay in Nico’s body forever He rubs a hand through his rumpled hair, hearing someone clatter about in the kitchen. Robin stirs slightly at the noise, nose wrinkling as he slowly opens his eyes.  
  
“What’s that noise?” Robin mutters, voice heavy and thick from sleep. The singing gets progressively louder, and Ant wonders if it’s reasonable to throttle his own body. He reluctantly pulls himself away from Robin to find exactly what Nico is doing in his body.  
  
He’s surprised to find Nico standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but what can be described as Ant’s ugliest pair of boxer shorts - neon orange ones with pineapples on - waving a spatula as he flips the eggs in the pan.  
  
“Guten morgen, _ Nico_!” He calls out, and they way he emphasises his own name is not lost on Ant.  
  
“What are you doing?” Ant hisses quietly, his eyes flickering between the shorts and the pan.  
  
“Making breakfast,” Nico says with a shrug. “I know how much Robin likes a cooked breakfast,”  
  
“But you’re in my underwear-”  
  
“Toni, what are you...doing,” Robin’s voice cuts through the pair as his gaze flickers down to the bright underwear. “Why aren’t you wearing any clothes?”  
  
“Must have forgotten to put them on,” Nico says, and Ant spots a flicker of recognition in Robin’s eyes for a moment before it disappears again.  
  
“Are you making eggs?” Robin asks, gaze flickering from Nico’s body to the smoking pan. “You never make breakfast,”  
  
“Fancied a change, I guess,” Nico says with a wink.  
  
Breakfast is eaten in relative silence. Ant hates to admit it but the eggs are quite good, Nico is obviously a talented chef. Robin chews slowly, his eyes flickering between Nico (still dressed in nothing but the hideous boxer shorts) and Ant, slumped in his chair scooping the egg into his mouth. Ant can almost see the cogs turning in Robin’s mind and wonders what he’s thinking about. He can’t help but to reach out and clasp Robin’s hand in his own.  
  
He ignores the burn from Nico’s eyes for a moment, before the smile is pasted back on his face.  


* * *

  
It’s Robin that suggests the trip to the Thunersee, and Ant doesn’t miss the way Nico’s eyes light up. Ant knows from Nico’s instagram that it is one of Nico’s favourite places, and there’s thousands of photos littering his social media of himself and Robin at the lake, looking happy together. However, a surge of panic curls through his chest at the thought of going there. It’s Nico and Robin’s special place - and he feels almost like he’s encroaching - but he can’t refuse to go, Robin would surely get suspicious.  
  
He ends up persuading Robin to drive them there - not missing the flicker of panic from Nico when Robin asks him if they’re going to take the Audi. Robin agrees to drive, only after a swift peck on the lips from Ant to seal the deal. The drive there is fairly nondescript, Nico leans forward a few times, asking for the radio station to be changed whilst Ant tries to deal with the fact that his legs are much longer than he is used to. They press against the dashboard of the car and Ant bites down on his lip, fighting the urge to yell at Nico who boasts of his legroom.  
  
Ant feels breathless at the sight of the lake stretching out before them. It’s a truly beautiful place - the water is a beautiful blue-turquoise from the glacial water and Ant knows the photos don’t do it justice. The mountains stand up against the azure sky, making a perfect backdrop to the scene. “It’s beautiful,” He murmurs under his breath, unable to lift his gaze away.  
  
Robin shoots him a strange glance as he presses his hand into Ant’s. Ant’s gaze flickers over to Nico, who is standing at the side of him, his expression unreadable. He tries to ignore the constant knot in the pit of his stomach and just enjoy the moment for what it is.  
  
“Are we going to go paddle-boarding?” Nico pipes up.  
  
Ant fixes him with a glare. He’s never done paddle-boarding before - he’s no stranger to surfing, but paddle-boarding seems like a different challenge, one that Nico is particularly good at. Ant is beginning to wonder if Nico has done this on purpose.  
  
Ant isn’t that terrible at paddle-boarding, it turns out. He has to adjust to being much taller and distributing his weight much more evenly, but he soon manages to stay upright without toppling over. He allows his eyes to slowly slide shut, taking in the fresh air, the cool water droplets on his skin -  
  
“Watch out, _ Nico_!” Nico’s voice cuts through the serene moment and Ant barely has time to reach before he’s thrown off his board by Nico. He yelps as the cold water hits his warm skin. His own laughter rings in his ears as he surfaces, spitting out water and pushing back his damp dark blonde hair.  
  
“Nico, are you alright?” Robin’s voice appears somewhere at the side of him, and his gaze ends up on the Dutchman, sitting on his board with a look of concern. Robin stares at him for a moment, before his glance ends up on Nico. “Toni, what are you playing at?”  
  
The smile on Nico’s face falls. “Just messing around,”  
  
“Are you okay?” Robin asks, his attention solely on Ant.  
  
“Y-yeah,” Ant splutters out, hands stretching out towards his board. He manages to hoist himself back on, pressing a hand through his wet hair. “You’ll pay for that, _ Da Costa _ ,”  
  
Nico just shoots him a come-and-get-me look and Ant surges forward, knocking them both into the water. Ant feels the giggle pull from his lungs as both men surface, hair plastered to their foreheads.  
  
“What the fuck is wrong with you two?” Robin asks with narrowed eyes, but his question remains unanswered as Nico’s hand curls around his wrist, pulling the Dutchman into the water. Robin squeals at the cool water hits him, scrambling to cling onto Ant’s chest. Ant feels the blush against his cheeks.  
  
“Are you alright?” He asks softly.  
  
Robin glances up at Ant for a moment and Ant feels as though he’s staring right through his facade to his very core.  


* * *

  
Robin is quiet on the drive home. They had ended up staying on the beach for an hour or two, playing a few ball games, but Ant knew it had gotten too competitive between himself and Nico. They were naturally both competitive people, but being in the other’s body and vying for the attention of the other man on the sand heightened their desire to please. Robin had joined in at first, but soon had tired of the blatant competition and had retired to sit on the sand, watching the pair intently.  
  
Dinner too, is a quiet affair. Ant glances over at Robin, who seems to be surveying him with a look that he can’t quite place. He’s equally quiet when they finally retire to bed, and Ant feels Robin’s gaze on him as he pulls the t-shirt over his head.  
  
“Are you alright?” He asks softly, glancing at the Dutchman.  
  
“Yeah,” Robin says, his gaze still locked on Ant. “I just - you’ve been acting so differently for the past couple of days, you’ve been acting like-”  
  
“Like who?”  
  
“António,”  
  
Ant feels his heart thump against his chest at Robin’s words. “How so?” He hopes his voice is steady enough to not arouse suspicion.  
  
“I don’t know-” Robin says, pushing a hand through his hair. “You just...say things that he would say. I already told you that I’m over my little crush on him, you don’t have to pretend to be like him-”  
_  
_ _ Little crush. Little crush. _ Ant feels his mouth go dry. “I- what?”  
  
“Nico, we’ve been over this,” Robin says quietly. “It was a crush back in the day, I love _ you _ -” He doesn’t hear the rest of Robin’s speech as he turns on his heel, running away from the Dutchman. He ignores Robin’s pleas, moving towards the garden, hoping that the cool air will dull his senses and stop his racing thoughts. He sinks down into one of the chairs in the garden, his head in his hands.  
  
_ Robin had a crush on him, a crush that Nico had noticed at one point in their relationship. _ He thinks about Robin pleading with him not to leave, telling him that he _ loved him _ \- no, telling _ Nico _ that he loves him. The words that Robin spoke were not meant for him. He isn’t sure how long he stays slumped in the chair, hands fisting into his hair, trying not to think about Robin’s face, the broken expression brushing over his features -  
  
“António,” His own voice breaks through the silence and he sighs heavily, glancing up to see Nico slide into the seat opposite. “What are you doing out here?”  
  
“Did you know?”  
  
Nico sighs heavily. “Of course, I knew. When you’re in love with someone, you can tell when someone else is too. I knew about your feelings for Robin back then,”  
  
“I get it,” Ant says quietly. “I get why you pretended it wasn’t there,”  
  
“You would do the same,” Nico sighs heavily. “I was stupid-”  
  
“I just-” Ant pauses for a moment. “I never knew he had a crush on me, and I get it, why he never said anything, I just - it’s hard being in your body and he says these things to me and I-”  
  
“I get it,” Nico says, grudgingly. “It’s fucking hard for me too. I have to watch Robin do things with you and it drives me mad- I just wish I knew why this happened,”  
  
“Me too,”  
  
“I mean, I remember that day before - Robin and I had an argument over some messages I’d sent to someone and he thought I was cheating - I was trying to sort out something nice for our anniversary,” He pauses, shoving a hand through his hair. Ant watches him and notes that it really needs cutting. “We talked about it later that night and then I woke up in your body in the BMW motorhome-”  
  
Ant nods. “Yeah, I remember your argument, Robin came to me and told me that he thought you were cheating - and then he went to find you and -” He stops. “ _ Oh god, _ ”  
  
“What?”  
  
_ I’d be a better boyfriend than him. _  
  
“I think I know why this happened-” Ant says quietly.  
  
“What? Why?”  
  
“I said I’d be a better boyfriend than you,” Ant murmurs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I said it before I went to sleep and I woke up as you,”  
  
Silence stretches out awkwardly between the two men for a moment, almost threatening to envelope everything in its path. Ant worries his lip. “I know now, that it was a stupid thing to say, I was just so angry at you for throwing away what you have with Robin-”  
  
“You still love him, don’t you?” Nico’s voice is soft, the words barely slipping from his lips. “That’s why it’s been so difficult for you hasn’t it? You’re still in love with him,”  
  
Ant doesn’t answer.  
  
“At least tell me the truth, Da Costa,” Nico’s voice - his own voice - loses its smoothness. “Tell me that you don’t have feelings for him,”  
  
“I can’t,” Ant bites out.  
  
“How long?”  
  
“I don’t remember a time that I didn’t love him,” Ant admits, glancing up to meet Nico’s eyes. However, his gaze falls past his own body, to a figure standing alone, his eyes fixed on Ant.  
  
“Robin-” He murmurs out, his mouth drying. “We can explain-”  
  
“I heard everything,” Robin says, tears pricking up in his eyes. “I had my suspicions, you two were spending a lot of time together and you didn’t want to have sex with me-” His gaze flickers over to Ant, ignoring Nico’s paling face at the confession. “I thought you two were having an affair or something, not that you’d fucking _ switched bodies _ -”  
  
“Robin-” Nico is out of his chair, moving towards the Dutchman. “Let us explain this-” He grabs onto Robin’s wrist.  
  
“Explain what?” Robin wrenches his wrist away. “Explain what _ Nico_? Why you both decided to lie to me for like three days? You’re supposed to be my boyfriend and my best friend! How could you do this to me?”  
  
“We didn’t know what to do, Robin,” Nico says, feeling the wetness across his own cheeks. “We didn’t know why this happened until now...just please listen to us,”  
  
“I can’t,” Robin whimpers, shaking his head. “I can’t deal with this right now-”  
  
Ant feels the dagger through his heart as Robin turns his back on them, running back to the house, his cries echoing through the late evening air.  


* * *

  
Ant wakes up the next morning with the same tightness in his chest - his own chest, he notices - brushing a hand over the thick, dark hair before moving up to capture the golden cross around his neck, a gift from Robin when they were younger -  
  
_ Robin… _ _  
_ _  
_ He glances down at the rumpled sheets, realising that he’s now in the guest bedroom, not in the bed he’s been sharing with Robin. He rubs a hand over his beard, worrying his lip as he tries to recall what happened last night. Robin had thrown some things into a bag and said he was going to drive to Dani’s. Nico had begged him not to go, but Robin had said nothing else and they’d both watched Robin’s Audi disappear down the driveway.  
  
Ant doesn’t remember what time he’d finally fell asleep that night, his thoughts filled with Robin’s tear-stained face and expression of betrayal. He’s glad to be back in his own body - he was beginning to think he would have to show Nico how his BMW worked, but there’s something missing, an emptiness inside him that he can’t fill.  
  
He eventually pulls himself out of the bed and pads downstairs to find Nico sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. His head lifts for a moment as Ant slides into the chair next to him and Ant sees the dark circles under the blonde man’s eyes.  
  
“He’s not answering his phone,” Nico says quietly, his voice thin and full of worry.  
  
“He’s angry,”  
  
“We should have told him,” Nico says, rubbing a hand over his hair. “We should have been honest from the start, why didn’t we just tell him?”  
  
Ant doesn’t have an answer.  


* * *

  
He ends up flying back to Portugal later that afternoon. He feels awful for leaving Nico alone in the house that he and Robin share - but he needs to go home and spend time being himself again. Nico had given him a reluctant hug, barely a fraction of a second, as he’d picked up his bag.  
  
“If you hear from him, will you let me know?”  
  
Ant promises he will, but Robin doesn’t call.  
  
He hears from Dani three days later. He’s coming back from the beach when his phone rings and he immediately snatches it up from the seat of his car.  
  
“Robin?”  
  
“If anyone else calls me that, I’m going to go mad,” Dani says and Ant can imagine his friend rolling his eyes.  
  
“Is he alright?”  
  
“I’m fine, António, thanks for asking,” Dani says, sarcastically. “He’s as well as he can be. All my shirts are ruined from him crying so you fucking owe you big time,”  
  
“I assume he told you what happened?”  
  
“That his best friend and boyfriend swapped bodies and pretended to be each other for three days? Yeah, unfortunately, he did not miss that important part out,”  
  
“Dani-”  
  
“What were you thinking, Ant? Why didn’t you just tell him the truth? He’s so cut up about it because he thinks he’s basically been cheating on Nico,” He sighs down the line. “And he’s so confused about you too-”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Fuck,” Dani mutters under his breath. “I shouldn’t say anything else-”  
  
“Dani, what do you mean?” Ant says, only for the dial tone to be his only response. He swears under his breath, throwing his phone onto the back seat.  


* * *

  
Ant doesn’t hear from Robin for the entire week he’s at home. He checks his phone religiously for the first few days, in between walking Taco and Glock, going to the beach with Pedro to surf - anything to take his mind off Robin.  
  
He receives a text from Dani on the fifth day.  
  
_ Robin’s gone back to Thun. _  
  
And he pretends that his heart doesn’t break. He knows it’s logical to want to go to Nico - he is Robin’s boyfriend of many years after all - it’s reasonable to assume that Robin would want to patch things up with him. They’re been together for what seems like forever, but there’s something that sits in the bottom of Ant’s stomach. It hurts that Robin has discarded him, ignored him and their years of friendship. He throws himself into his racing preparation, ready for Santiago, realising that he had abandoned it whilst he was in Nico’s body, unable to walk into the BMW headquarters in an Audi driver’s body.  
  
Robin still doesn’t call and Ant tries not to think about Nico and Robin curled up in bed together, like the times that he curled up with Robin and everything felt _ right _ .  
  
He doesn’t sleep the night before his flight to Santiago. The little sleep he does snatch is filled with images of Robin with hardened blue eyes, grabbing Nico and kissing him in front of Ant - he wakes up, covering in a cold sweat. The flight is no better. Ant bites at his fingernails, trying not to think about if Nico will be in Santiago, if he will be stood in Robin’s garage, the pair of them acting like nothing happened.  
  
Ant hopes that being back in the garage will stop his thoughts wandering to Robin, and he manages to get through the press day without any complications. He sticks close to Alex, smiling at the taller man and throwing his arm over his shoulders, not realising that a pair of blue eyes are fixed on his every move.  
  
Race day is awful, to say the least. Ant snatches a reasonable amount of sleep and manages to focus throughout the free practise sessions, but it all unravels when he spots Robin lingering outside the garages just before qualifying. His lap is awful, and although he blames the unfavourable conditions, he knows deep down that the true reason is standing in the driver’s holding pen, taking a drink from his bottle.  
  
Blue eyes meet brown and Ant feels his heart skip a beat.  


* * *

  
The race itself is no better.  
  
Ant collapses onto the couch in his motorhome, tugging at his hair in frustration. He’s glad to finally be alone after the race, free away from the worried glances of his team and of the journalists in the media pen. Worrying his lip, he picks at a loose thread on his racesuit, angry to himself for letting his thoughts flow freely when he should have been driving. He knows it’s not his fault - the car’s hydraulic system failed - but he feels somewhat responsible.  
  
Robin doesn’t want him. He has to face that fact - Robin has made his decision, to be with his boyfriend - and Ant doesn’t blame him. But it still _ hurts _ . It hurts that Robin won’t acknowledge him after everything they’ve been through.  
  
A knock echoes through the motorhome, jolting Ant out of his own thoughts. Sighing heavily, he pulls himself to his feet and moves towards the door. “Alex, I told you that I’m fine-” He begins, only for the words to die on his lips at the sight of the man standing on the step.  
  
“Robin? What are you doing here?” He asks, his mouth wide open.  
  
“Can we talk?” Robin asks softly, his eyes darting up to meet Ant’s. “In private,”  
  
Ant nods, allowing Robin to slip past him wordlessly, trying to ignore the hope that curls inside his chest as Robin comes to a stop, turning around slowly.  
  
“I’m sorry about the whole situation,” Ant can’t stop the words falling from his lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was in Nico’s body. I can understand why you hate me-”  
  
“I don’t hate you, Toni,” Robin says quietly. “I just don’t understand why you both kept it from me,”  
  
“We didn’t know how long we would be stuck that way, we were hoping we would swap back before you noticed-”  
  
“So you were never going to tell me?” Robin’s tone is crestfallen. “You have no idea how it felt - I cheated on my boyfriend, I kept wondering why he was acting so strange, I had no idea that you were in his body-”  
  
“And I’m sorry for doing that to you!” Ant snaps back, guilt evident in his tone. “I never wanted to hurt you! Besides, it doesn’t matter, you went back to Nico and you two are fine now, right?”  
  
Robin pauses, biting his lip.  
  
“I broke up with Nico,” Robin blurts out. “I - I stayed at Dani’s for a few days and then he made realise something, so I went back to Thun and I- I ended it,”

“Why?”  
  
“Because those three days you were in his body-” Robin stops to take a shaky breath. “I fell in love with you,”  
  
“What?” Ant feels his eyes grow wide at Robin’s confession.  
  
“I was so confused at first, I felt so guilty because I thought he was acting like you, and I didn’t mind it at all. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, and you two kept going off and whispering together and that night-” He pauses. “That night, I thought I’d catch you out making out or something, I never imagined that you had swapped bodies and I was right - that the person I had fallen in love with was _ you_,”  
  
Ant takes a shaky breath. “No, no, you can’t be in love with me, it’s _ Nico _ that you love-”  
  
“No, Toni,” Robin shakes his head. “It’s _ you _ that I love,”  
  
“What about Nico?”  
  
“Nico- Nico is the one who kicked my ass and pushed me to come to you. He said I should start putting my own happiness first,”  
  
“Oh,” Ant murmurs.  
  
“And I think I should follow the other advice he gave me,” Robin says, moving closer. His eyes are darker than usual, and Ant can feel his heart beating against his ribcage.  
  
“And what advice is that?” He asks, mouth dry.  
  
“I believe his words were, to finally make out with you in your own damn body or something along those lines?”  
  
“Well, I suppose it would be stupid not to follow Nico’s advice-” Ant says, moving to seal Robin’s lips with his own. As his lips move over Robin’s, arms closing around the Dutchman’s waist, he finally feels _ complete_.  
  
Robin finally pulls away what feels like an eternity later, delivering a light tap to Ant’s bicep. “And stay in your own body from now on,”  
  
Ant laughs. “That sounds like a deal,” 


End file.
